"I HAVE A PLAN 4 U"

Disclaimer: The following is pure fiction and is written for entertainment purposes only. The author is not associated with any insurance company. It does not constitute an offer of insurance. Any link to any insurance company or persons in the insurance industry is purely coincidental. ..
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It's called the Jerome Special. It really is a great plan...........

• one MD visit every ten years
• discount Rx plan---buy 100 Paxil @ the regular price and receive not one, two, three, or four, but five Cialis at absolutely no charge. It's our way of saying, "thank you for becoming a member".

Now, under this plan,  you will have some  hospital coverage, in the event you were to slip, trip, fall, break a leg or Marquez drives you legally insane and you require in-patient counseling.

And best of all, the premium on this plan, if you act now, is just $29.95 per month.

And, if you enroll in the next hour, we will throw in, as part of the package...........

• two (2) tickets to Great Adventure Action Park (Safari not included) with round trip transportation provided by our very own Christopher M. aka "the original TSP Party Animal"

• enrollment in the AAA Road Service "whooptie plan" in case the car doesn't make it.

• One (1) "I Love Ramen Noodles" T-shirt, personally autographed by our very own John H!

      ...BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE!

Enroll today and we will waive the following fees:

1. The one time enrollment fee
2. The Sydni house-cleaning supplies and maid service fee.
3. The Andrew hair transplant fee.
4. The Rose bodyguard fee against maniacal ex-spouses.
5. The Claude W. super-collegiate vocabulary fee.
6. The John H. ramen noodles around-the-clock fee.
7. The Chris M. fan club fee
8. The Lydia missing persons fee.
9. The "funeral for the conference table fog nightmare=no more lunch room" fee.

and last but not least, we'll even waive the Robert S. "Every Day Is Dress-Down Friday" fee!

Now, does this sound like a plan that meets your needs?
GREAT! WHAT'S THE SHIPPING ADDRESS WE'RE SENDING YOUR POLICY CARDS TO?

BY SPECIAL REQUEST... MEET MISS S.S.

I have received a request from the "Dime Piece of Mantolokin", to post about her on my blog.

My reaction was one of wonderment and shock.

A. Why-- Is she aware of my tendency to use the pen as a sword.

B. Challenge--by the time I actually think of good things to say about her, we'll be in the next millenium (I know I"m gonna get slapped for that one).

C. Restraint--can I actually act like a grown adult and refrain from being silly, cute, cornball and, not the least, perverse?  I mean, put yourself in my place, readers. A former co-worker/now a friend, twenty-something, with curves that have not even been invented yet on other women, comes to you and says, "write about me"....and you're no longer at the firm, a.k.a. first amendment privilege/no restrictions... what would you do?  Would you respond, "uh, can I sleep on it and get back to you?"....not!!  You know you're gonna run with it.

Time will tell if she regrets making this request.

However, let it be noted, the only reason she gets a write-up, is because her sister and I use the same soap, the infamous Dr. Bronners.  Also see this link Without this, she's ghost. Hell to the N-O.  (LOL). By this request, she gives me carte blanche to talk about her.

SS is one of those rare breeds that comes along every so often in my journey. She is mature beyond her years, reliable, punctual, articulate, charming, and professional, having been a successful TSP. (Other than that, between you and me, reader, I really can't stand her).
The fact she looks good has no bearing on my decision (I"m not under oath, it's ok to lie)


I met her at another job interview, and she was kind enough to turn me on to another job opportunity, where we became co-workers for about six months.

How she put up with me for even six days defies logic.

And, being a typical male, it took me six months to thank her. And I'm still standing to tell about it, ain't that something?


She is the "glue" of Mantolokin, having taken the place of another administrative assistant, Miss "L",  whose whereabouts are unknown. (Last time I saw her, she was  guzzling down massive amounts of a fake Aloe Vera drink in the North Ward. I say "fake" because it was 99% high fructose corn syrup and 1% aloe, which is so whacked, I will have to write another blog about that (damn).  This change was a good thing. Would you rather be around an administrative assistant with a PMS scale of 2 or 22?


SS is a multi-tasker, answering to the boss, serving as human resource department, sales trainer, typist, receptionist, cleaning up after co-workers, some of whom act like they were "dragged up" instead of "raised up". (a.k.a:"Conference Table Fog Nightmare = No More Lunch Room").


She effectively interacts with everyone, regardless of age or ethnicity.

Not the least of her qualities, she turns heads in a crowd. She dresses most attractively, showing off her best without looking cheap (unlike the hoochie mamas on bus #'s 13B, 13T, 24, 27 and especially  BumBitch Bus #39, who let their "booty-dos", "muffin tops", and unshaved buttocks (??!!) hang out). In other words, there's a way to dress to attract but leave enough not showing, to pique curiosity and remain business-like. She uses the hair bow most effectively, to put the focus on her eyes (the fact I would write this and not even know what color they are, is as good a reason as any for a woman to put her foot up a guy's butt---first-class, signed, sealed and delivered). Anyway, put her in black leg warmers and a mint green tube-top (her best color), and she has virtually no competition--ladies, take it down&out out, bounce, whatever....S.S. is comin' thru! (I'd love to be a fly on the wall when she reads this..."Anthony, some old a-- dude is trackin me and pushin up wrong....SOS!!")

The last paragraph has no bearing on my assessment of her, and if I'm frontin', let the sky fall down on me (I'm looking at the ceiling as I write this).

And she endured my obnoxious questions  when we were part of a carpool (but never answered my question about Victoria's secret. That's for another day. However, if I find out that Vicky's makes the product I inquired of, there will be major drama!!

All in all, I'm glad we crossed paths. But the fact she would ask me, of all people, to write about her, has me concerned about her mind. Perhaps her work station is too close to C.M.

p.s......so, S.S., any second thoughts regarding your request?

WE INTERRUPT OUR NORMALLY SCHEDULED PROGRAM TO BRING YOU....

...this flash announcement....

This normally scheduled monthly blog, has turned into a more frequent one, due to the actions of one CHRISTOPHER M., previously noted here as the original TSP Party Animal.

Last report, he was off to greener pastures. As soon as you could say, "boo"...

HE'S BAAACKK!!

a new diagnosis..TSP REMORSE!! After much soul searching, Mr. M. realized, "there's no place like home" Back where he belongs. On the dialer. Standing up at his station, moving his head from side-to-side, like an NFL running back, while probing the future customer, "is it medicaid, medicare, cobra, employee-covered..." Throwing the prospect into curiosity (what is the gender of the person I'm speaking with?)

With a new system in place, which virtually prevents Mr. M. from accidentally  x-fering a call to his mobile phone,, with signs in huge print at his work station to remind him of where he is and the name of the company he represents (so he doesn't black out during in-coming calls), a reserved parking spot on the street in the heart of Industrial Ironbound, adjacent to a gourmet lunch truck,to procure the nourishment he will need after the post-hours marathon booty calls in the back seat of his full-sized Buick, with the sorority known as "Chris's Misses Groupies Unlimited",  Mr. M returned to Mantolokin recharged, refreshed, with a new outlook on life.

Mr. M. was welcomed back with (half) open arms from his peers, who immediately made him feel like he'd never left ("yo, Chris, drive me to the train station". "Yo, home boy, lend me fifty cent"). 

Avenue P, in anticipation of Mr. M's return, has been lined with crash pads to prevent inury to his legions of fans, particularly the fainting women. The city of Newark has not seen anything like this since Jay Z played the Prudential Center (citation pending).

What is truly amazing is the similarity of this story and that of Phil McConkey of the 1986  New York Giants. McConkey was traded at the start of the season, then came back mid-season to savior the Lombardi trophy.. The day he returned,  when asked how things were with another team, he stated, "the grass is greener... my ass!" We are confident Christopher would echo those sentiments.

BREAKING NEWS........CHRIS M. FILES FOR FREE AGENCY, FLIES THE COOP

publisher's note: although this is a monthly blog, we decided to post in-between schedule due to the critical information shared here.

August 26--in a move that has the industry in shock, Chris M., the original TSP party animal, declared free agency and unexpectedly moved on, to the chagrin and dismay of many.

Apparently, The Mantolokin Group did not exercise their option to designate Mr. M as a franchise player --a move that would have allowed them to match any competitive offer.

Mr. M's focus was indeed a concern when he mistakenly transferred a call intended for an agent, to his own cell phone. 

Additionally, on an incoming call, Mr. M. seemed disoriented as he momentarily blanked out and could not remember the name of the company he worked for.

Mr. M was not available for comment, nor was his agent. In addition, calls placed to this blogger, were not returned, citing 5th amendment privilege.

One can only wonder what goes through the mind of this one-of-a-kind TSP. Burn out? A better offer? Did he at least give his team the chance to counter-quote? Demands of maintaining his fan club?

One thing is certain---the pending company christmas party will not be the same. How sad a thought that Mr. M's custom-made tuxedo will sit on a rack in his walk-in closet, the cost of dry cleaning a waste of time, money, and a burden on the environment

One positive note: the bartenders retained for this function can relax because Mr. M does not reveal his drink of choice until in attendance. Hence, their prep time scuffling through drink books will be greatly reduced, along with job-related stress.

Ladies--should you encounter Mr. M on the street, do not approach him at this time as he is both charming and dangerous.

Opening post

As I reflect back on my time as a telephone solicitor and prospector (herein referred to as a "TSP"), for an insurance broker that specializes in limited indemnity plans, , sometimes it seems surreal that I actually bound myself to a chair for hours, repeated the same script ad hominum/ad nauseum, strived to keep the same lilt in my voice, yada yada yada. I say surreal because the reality is, the majority of the general public would never try it. I mean, check out games people play with telemarketers       as well as this website, too

Mission: an auto-dialer executed about a zillion calls per minute. You sit near a screen wearing a headset. When someone picks up, the screen flashes their information. The script itself is proprietary, so I will not divulge here, based on moral and legal grounds. But the goal is to find out if they have coverage, and transfer pre-qualified prospects to an agent.

Some of the transfers during my six month tenure were, to say the least, entertaining.

• one of our former TSP's, smooth, hit all the right buttons in transferring  the call to the boss--except for the fact the prospect she sent over was 97 years old.

• I really shined on my first transfer. Goal--execute a 3-way, introduce the prospect to the agent, then drop-out. Result: mistakenly dropped the prospect, then myself, leaving the agent, who also happens to own the company, alone in his office to have a lovely conversation with himself. ("we're not here to have a conversation, we're here to close the deal").

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N.R.  AND THE FAMILY (NON-HOSTILE) TAKE-OVER

Along with his two nice kids on board, next week they're bringing in the family dog and goldfish....
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NOT TO BE MISSED--NEXT INSTALLMENT---

Chris M.-- the TSP Party Animal--you asked for it, you're gonna get it!!

• the methods to his madness
• his growing fan club
• his legendary transfers that have the ladies weak in the knees
• his favorite hang-outs, cocktails, recipes
• a voyueristic insight into the man they threw the mold away on

AND....

S.S. PUTS HER FOOT DOWN IN THE KITCHEN  ("FOOLS, I AM NOT YOUR DAMN MAID!")

STAY TUNED IN!